What if my child refuses to go to school?

Some children find it easy to go to and go to school. It is an adventure, meeting with peers. For others, it is a compulsion that is not associated with pleasure. There are also those who completely rebel against compulsory education. When such a problem arises, then the question arises - what is the cause of this reluctance? This is where all the complexity and multifactoriality begin. Finding the reason and the solution to the puzzle will restore the student's comfort, self-confidence and the joy of learning and being among peers. 

The answer to the question "why does the child not want to go to school?" not easy to find. Reluctance is not simply the result of being unprepared for a test, fatigue or a conflict with a classmate. The resentment that has become a problem lasts longer and brings with it disturbing behavioral changes, and these should be taken seriously by involving parents in the search for answers. This problem can affect both younger children and older ones. Both a young child and an older child may, for some reason, not want to go to school. What to do and where to seek help if a child does not want to go to school?

Why doesn't my child want to go to school?

The child does not want to go to school, finds reasons to stay at home, and the parents ask - what does this reluctance come from? Sometimes the reason is fatigue, lack of sleep, malaise. Such a factor can be quite simple to explain and talking to the student, possibly with his teachers, will help to solve the problem. Younger children sometimes close in on themselves and cannot or do not want to describe or explain their dislike. There may be many sources for which a child does not want to go to school, and most of them are serious and explain the student's situation well.

Among the reasons why a child does not want to go to school, we can distinguish:

• longing for parents (in younger children);
• problems with establishing relationships with peers (regardless of age);
• separation from the peer group due to, for example, a different appearance;
• persecution;
• dislike of the teacher;
• fear of being punished for bad behavior;
• striving to be the best, which can be disappointing;
• trouble concentrating, excessive mobility;
• trouble seeing / hearing;
• lack of understanding of the material, topics, learning backlogs, test failures.

How long can my child stay away from school?

Avoiding school is impossible, and repeated truancy leads to trouble and arrears. Avoidance is a kind of escape, and this may mean that the child is not coping with something, does not feel strong or confident that he is able to face difficulties. In such a situation, the support of parents is very important - their attention, the ability to listen to the child, and sometimes also the actions of a specialist. Therefore, when our, or a younger student, does not want to go to school - do not wait for the automatic change of his attitude, do not think about how long a child may not go to school. Let's get started.

What to do if your child won't go to school: steps that can be taken

At times when a child cries, rebels, simulates illness, does everything to avoid school, the atmosphere in the family becomes very difficult, conflicts and tantrums begin. Parents want the best for their child, but this does not mean that they have to do what the child says, for example by continuing to justify their absence from school. Then the only rational and factual solution is to look for and find the answer - what is the cause of the behavior change? From what moment does the child have a problem with school? What happened? What can I do? Where can I find help if my child doesn't want to go to school?

What steps can be taken at the finding stage?

• The basis is a conversation with the child, maybe additionally consultation with the educator, psychologist, question about the general mood and behavior of the child directed to the best friend / friend;
• Naming emotions to determine what feelings accompany the child (fear, anger, anxiety, sadness, regret, fear) - this may turn out to be concrete for understanding behavior change;
• Despite the stress that this situation multiplies, it is important to remain calm, as a nervous atmosphere can only aggravate the situation;
• Taking care of rest - healthy and long sleep, a good day plan where not only learning has its place, but also interests, a walk, and lazing around.

Where can I find help if my child doesn't want to go to school? 

If the interviews, attempts to find reasons for which the child avoids school, the parent still does not find and does not see the reason for what is going on, in such situations a psychological consultation may turn out to be appropriate.

Where to go for help if your child doesn't want to go to school: psychologist support

Sometimes parents treat a visit to a psychologist as a last resort, and this is, after all, a form of professional support and maybe help. The specialist will not only conduct an interview with the child, but also look at the situation of the child and the family from an observer's point of view.

The child does not want to go to school: causes

Fear of going to school can come from:

• the child's learning problems
• persecution by peers
• difficulties in adapting to the new environment
• family problems
• a traumatic experience, such as the death of someone in a child's family.

The specialist may also notice that if a child does not want to go to school, it may be due to mental disorders (e.g. separation anxiety disorders - a type of anxiety neurosis, or social or school phobia or depression (a child at school struggles with a new environment, which causes stress) In addition to reluctance to go to school, other symptoms can also be observed in children:

• headache, abdominal pain, joint pain;
• chest pains;
• nausea, dizziness;
• bouts of crying, anger.

The above symptoms indicate fear / anxiety about school if you are also a child no fever or other symptoms of infection, no vomiting or diarrhea. What's more - symptoms appear during the week and disappear on weekends. Besides - the child grows and develops properly. Our attention should also be drawn to the fact that the child has other phobias.

How can we deal with school phobia?

• It can be useful to talk to your child, teachers, classmates and colleagues looking for the cause of what may be causing your child's fear of school. It is good to ask, to observe the child's relations with friends - whether he maintains telephone contacts, whether the children visit each other. One should be in constant contact with the class teacher and listen, listen and once again listen to what the child says;
• Consider whether problems at home or the quality of family life are the cause. The development of phobias is fostered by parents' conflicts, the so-called "Heavy atmosphere" at home, as well as financial problems;
• The principle of going to school, not skipping classes. Staying at home for a long time will make it difficult for your child to return to school;
• The school fear symptoms are not made up. The stress response can be real physical pain (fear of falling asleep, animals, thieves, the dark and monsters can also arise, with most of these symptoms going away if parents let the child stay home;
• It is a bad idea to downplay, accuse your child of being lazy and forcing them to go to school, because it leads to an exacerbation of symptoms and aggravation of the disease.

Fear of school is a problem that causes educational problems for children, especially in the youngest. The new environment, school requirements and a new peer group can be a source of serious stress for a child. Parents' support and understanding are very important, if not the most important. The cooperation of the triad: child - home (family) - school is essential. The family is the most important link and it plays a major role in the process of overcoming the problem / treatment. The most effective method is to treat the whole family.

The child does not want to go to school: what to do?

What absolutely shouldn't a parent do? 

In a situation where the child does not want to go to school, the parent should definitely not:

• shout at the child, suggesting that, for example, he is making up, whispering, exaggerating;
• threaten - if you don't pack right away, don't get dressed, you don't go to school, then ...;
• punish;
• force by force;
• disregard, saying: Well, it happens sometimes, life is difficult.

Jesper Juul, educator and therapist, says about replacing compulsory schooling with the right to study. Compulsory schooling is associated with something unpleasant, with something that a child has to do. And if there is a lot of what "must", then there is little "wanting", and this does not support the motivation to go to school.

Each of us needs autonomy - I decide, I want it or not. Such an approach can completely change the attitude towards school - of this particular student with phobia, anxiety, problems.