What to do when your child curses? Learn how to react and whether punishments make sense
Swear words in the mouth of a preschooler or teenager can cause shock and anxiety in parents:There is no such thing in our house swearing in front of children, where do these vulgarities come from in my son's/daughter's mouth?!”. Faced with such a problem, parents often do not know what to do when a child curses, how to react to such behavior?
That's why in this article we explain what to do when a child curses - why punishments for swearing for children often do not bring the expected effect? Is there magical age limit: from what age can you swear? We also suggest, how to stop a child from swearing in a way that supports relationships and emotional development.
Why the child curses - Whether swearing in front of children is this the only cause of the problem?
Swearing is the use of words or expressions that are commonly considered vulgar. Although it has been present in various cultures for centuries, it is becoming increasingly visible today, mainly due to the media and the Internet, even among the youngest.
Why a child swears - here are the most common causes of the problem:
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Imitation in the family and environment
Words considered vulgar they are quickly remembered by the child, especially when they are spoken by those closest to them (parents, grandparents, cousins, etc.). Swearing in front of children at home, as well as watching films/programs containing vulgarities in the presence of a child, makes the toddler learn vulgar words and later use them, often not fully understanding their meaning.
Expert advises
Very often, swearing in front of children does not happen at home, but in public places — in situations where parents have no major influence. Swearing in front of children has such a strong effect on them because statements containing vulgarities are often very emotional, arousing in the child not only interest, but also a number of strong emotions (including fear, anxiety), for example when he or she witnesses a vulgar exchange of words in a shop.
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The child curses, imitating patterns from the media and peer environment
The young man carefully followers behavior older peers, TV series characters or internet creators. If swearing is considered the norm there, a child will more easily accept such patterns.
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A way to vent anger or frustration
A bad word is a way for children to quick recall of parent's attention. It happens that the child curses, because he doesn’t yet know any other method to draw the attention of his parents or peers to his anger/strong emotions.
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The desire to impress
In the environment of their peers, some children treat vulgarity as a sign of "adulthood", the opportunity to impress others and stand out from the group.
Is there a limit, for how many years can you swear — when does swearing become more acceptable?
Some people believe that after the age of 18 you are allowed to use profanity, but before that the child should not swear. How old can you be to swear? without consequences?
Expert advises
There is really no age limit at which swearing should be considered normal and acceptable. At what age can you swear - vulgar words are a form of verbal aggression and do not work well in building valuable and mutually communicative relationships, regardless of age. Therefore, the statement: "When you grow up, you can swear" can lead to misunderstandings, giving birth to a child a sense of injustice and discrimination, due to age.
How old can you be to swear? — instead of setting any age limits, it is better to emphasize that at every stage of life, it is worth seeking ways to express your thoughts and emotions more appropriate words than vulgarity.
Swearing penalties for children – why are they often ineffective?
Many parents wonder: what to do when a child curses – are punishments for swearing children the only option? Some believe that a strict reaction from parents will eliminate the problem. In reality, punishing children for swearing is often only a temporary solution. The effect?
When a child feels strong emotions, he or she may resort to vulgar language again, but only if he or she does so out of the reach of parents' attention.
How to stop a child from swearing? We have prepared below specific strategies, which will help in a situation when the child curses and they will work better than the classic ones penalties for swearing:
Don't overreact
The parent's violent reaction (including laughter when the child curses) can have the opposite effect, because it is the adult's "response" to the child's swearing that can reinforce the undesirable behavior.
Expert advises
If the child wants to get attention, the screaming and anger of the mother or father mean success in this strategy. What to do when the child swears - it is best to remain calm, say firmly: In our home we don't use such words, and we talk about emotions differently.
Child Swears? Talk and Explain!
Children, especially preschoolers, often need an explanation of why a certain behavior may be inappropriate. It is helpful to provide specific examples: "When you use that word, you can hurt, offend or scare someone. I would prefer you to tell me directly what you feel, naming the emotions in a different way."
How to stop your child from swearing - develop empathy
Help your child see the situation from the perspective of the recipient of the vulgar message. You can ask: "How would you feel if someone shouted such a word at you?" Such a perspective teaches you to be mindful of the other person.
How to Stop Your Child from Swearing - Provide Alternatives
Instead of just forbidding: "No swearing!", suggest to your child ready solutions. What to do when a child swears?
You can establish humorous substitutes for profanity, such as: "Oh dog's ankle!", "Butterfly's leg!", "A chest of treasures!" or "Holy crap!" Using funny substitutes for profanity can help to "playfully" release emotions pent up in a child.
What to do instead of punishment for swearing for children? Set clear rules with your child
Regulations created together with parents motivate the child to cooperate. One conversation is enough, in which you agree that in your family you try not to use words considered vulgar. Maybe you will choose one room in the house, where you can release negative emotions in a different way, e.g. the bathroom, where the child will be able to scream or stomp to get rid of, for example, anger.
Be consistent
It is difficult to expect a child to stop swearing if they hear vulgar words on a daily basis in their immediate surroundings. Swearing in front of children quickly becomes a habit for them. When an adult it will slip out an uncensored phrase, it's good take responsibility for it: "I'm sorry, I know that's not the right word to say. I'll try to say how I feel in a different way next time."
What to do when a child curses? Summary
Punishments for swearing in children tend to be short-lived in effect and sometimes cause additional stress. frustration and rebellion.
A calm conversation, an arrangement clear rules and pointing out alternative ways of expressing anger are a much better solution if you’re wondering how to stop your child from swearing.
When you feel powerless or you notice that strong words are the culmination of your child's bigger difficulties (e.g. strong outbursts of aggression), it may be helpful consulting a psychologist or school counselor. The support of a specialist allows you to look at the whole situation "from the outside" and develop an individual action plan.
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Bibliography:
- Marzec Helena, Parents' attitudes towards swearing and vulgarity in children, s. 149-172 [in]: Teacher and school, vol. 57 (2015) no. 1 (accessed on 28.01.2025/XNUMX/XNUMX): https://www.ignatianum.edu.pl/storage/files/January2019/nauczycieliszkola57_www.pdf#page=149
- Pankowska D., Bieganowska-Skóra A., Vulgarization of language as the context of socialization of children and youth, Przegląd Badań Edukacyjnych, no. 27 (2/2018), pp. 183–201 (accessed on 28.01.2025/XNUMX/XNUMX): https://apcz.umk.pl/PBE/article/view/PBE.2018.024/16141
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