What is parental burnout? Causes, symptoms, how to cope?

Stress accompanies each of us, also in various situations: social, professional and private. But should it also be an integral part of a parent's life? After all, it is said that raising a child is hard work. Sometimes, however, even parents of very young children feel exhausted. Then it turns out that the saying that says: little children, a little trouble - it doesn't always work.

Consider whether the topic of parental burnout also applies to you. What does this mean and is it important that we look for its causes? Find out how to cope. In this article, we suggest what you can do to get help with your experience.

Parental burnout: what is it can mean for me?

The concept of "parental burnout" it has its origins in research into burnout in social workers such as nurses, firefighters and volunteers. Researchers: Herbert Freudenberger and Christina Maslach described the negative effects observed in the well-being of people who were extremely devoted to performing their professional duties.

• Freudenberger observed that burned out people often had a characteristic set of psychophysical features, i.e. irritability, constant fatigue, and decreased immunity.
• Maslach described how people who are exhausted from work perceive themselves and other people in the environment: they feel exhausted or tired, they depersonalize their charges and feel the futility of their actions.

Parental burnout according to researchers: causes

Burnout was understood as the result of chronic stress experienced by a person in connection with their work. Additionally, a burned-out person notices that they do not have the resources to deal with a situation that is beyond their capacity. The experience of contradiction between the expectations of the profession and its realities was also considered a source of stress.

Parental burnout and occupational burnout

Subsequent studies on the phenomenon of burnout cover ever wider contexts of the life of the respondents, including their family life. Hence, many researchers wonder what it is and what it is parental burnout symptoms it can take hold of people who devote themselves entirely to their work at home - being a parent. In 1989, Dennis Pelsma examined 100 mothers of young children [1] on parental leave and described the features characteristic of burnout in their functioning - emotional exhaustion and a sense of pointlessness in the process of raising their children. Thus, it was noticed that the problems related to the issue of occupational burnout also concern the aspect of parental burnout.

Parental burnout: a test. How pconfirm symptoms?

Isabelle Roskam created by researching parental burnout test - self-report questionnaire for parents [2] (adapting the pre-existing test to measure burnout traits). This test measured aspects of parental burnout:

• emotional distancing from the child;
• parents experiencing mental and emotional exhaustion;
• sense of meaninglessness of the performed childcare.

Let's take a closer look at the traits that can display symptoms of parental burnout.

Parental burnout: symptoms the phenomenon of exhaustion

The problem of burnout in parents should not be underestimated and may significantly affect the functioning of the entire family. What could the symptoms of parental burnout be?

Emotional distance from the child

A burned out parent distances himself emotionally from his child, he cannot establish a close emotional bond with his child. One example is the involvement of a parent in household chores (the so-called "whirlwind of work"), which they feel they have to do because they claim that this is the only way they will be able to respond to all the child's needs. Meanwhile, strenuous self-control and devoting ourselves to mechanically performed work do not always give us space and time to carefully observe the child's needs. Sometimes, at a given moment, the emotional needs of a child may turn out to be more important - the need to listen to them, learn about current problems or difficulties they are experiencing.

Feeling of physical and mental exhaustion

Another symptom of parental burnout is a sense of physical exhaustion
and mental. A burnout parent is chronically tired and frustrated. He often has a headache, suffers from a lack of appetite and is often ill. We can tell that these signs may be related to the parenting aspect of the fact that just at the thought
the above-described difficulties arise when it comes to caring for a child.

A sense of meaninglessness in caring for a child

One of the more alarming symptoms of parental burnout for us as parents should also be the sense of meaninglessness in caring for a child and the feeling that we are insufficient caregivers. The burned-out parent does not notice that his time and effort related to paying attention to the child, talking and spending time together will have a positive effect that the child will develop better.

An example may be a situation in which a parent who does homework with a child on a daily basis does not see any progress in the child's grades or improvement in academic performance. Related to the sense of futility of the duties performed, the parent may also feel regret or bitterness that the child does not appreciate his or her effort and dedication to taking care of him or her on a daily basis.

What parent traits affect parental burnout? 

The results of studies on the phenomenon of parental burnout [3] describe a set of personality traits of a parent who may experience exhaustion in the process of caring for a child. By identifying these features, it is possible to plan therapeutic activities for burnout caregivers.

• Firstly, it was observed that burned-out people have a mutually unfavorable set of personality properties, i.e. they have low self-esteem and, at the same time, enormous ambitions in the process of raising a child.
• In addition, they often worry, want to control their actions towards the child, observe the effects of work and feel a great responsibility for the child's behavior. For this reason, all negative events in a child's life are a great experience for them, often when they analyze the events that took place in a given situation, they become absent and engrossed in their thoughts about what they did wrong.
• The burnout parent does not believe in his / her competence as a parent, which leads to making mistakes in the relationship with the child, following a temporary feeling that he should do something "differently".
• Parent burnout promotes parental attitudes that are both overprotective and overly strict and disciplining.

Parental burnout how to deal?

Supporting another person is not an easy task, so it is worth looking for support for yourself, looking for help in answering the question of how to cope when we feel that, as a parent, we cannot help our adolescent child. We have no influence on what has already happened in our relationship with the child, what mistakes we have made in upbringing, but we have an influence on changing our way of thinking.

It is worth remembering that thoughts affect our emotions, which lead us to a specific behavior. For the relationship with the child, our well-ordered emotions are the most important, thanks to which we will also be able to be a "safe base" for our child.

Parental burnout: what is it and can it concern me?

If you have noticed the difficulties described in the article and you experience exhaustion or other symptoms of parental burnout, it would be a good idea to visit a psychologist or psychotherapist. There is probably no one-size-fits-all set of ways to recover from parental burnout, as there can be many reasons for parental burnout.

Źródła:

[1] Pelsma DM, Roland B., Tollefson N., Wigington H., Parent Burnout: Validation of the Maslach Burnout Inventory with a Sample of Mothers, “Measurement and Evaluation in Counseling and Development” 2018, Vol. 22;
[2] I. Roskam, ME Raes, M. Mikolajczak, Exhausted Parents: Development and Preliminary Validation of the Parental Burnout Inventory, “Frontiers in Psychology” 2017, Vol. 8;
[3] S. Le Vigouroux, C. Scola, ME Raes, M. Mikolajczak, I. Roskam, The big five personality traits and parental burnout: Protective and risk factors, “Personality and Individual Differences” 2017, Vol. 119, p. 217