What punishment and reward for the child?
Parents often ask themselves what the rewarding of a child should look like, and even more often how punishment for the child for misbehavior will it be appropriate? What are the most effective ways of preventing our children from behaving? What to do to baby prize gave him not only pleasure, but also the right motivation to act? Thanks to our guide, you will learn how to use both in practice karyAnd children's prizes.
Every child has behaviors that we like as well as behaviors that may disturb us. In the first case, the question arises whether and what kind of reward will be appropriate for the child, in the second - whether and what kind of punishment for the child should be applied in a specific situation. Before that, however, when analyzing your toddler's behavior, you should consider when you should intervene in order to influence his behavior. It should also be considered whether it is a behavior with which we can work effectively alone, or whether it requires consultation with a specialist.
Penalties for children - are they effective in difficult behaviors?
Before considering the question of whether we should punish and how to punish a child, it is worth realizing how complex the causes of difficult behavior in children can be. We can think of a child's difficulties in terms of irritating, undesirable behavior and disorders.
- Irritating behavior we will refer to the age-appropriate behaviors that the parents are concerned about. These will be occasional behaviors that are related to experiential play, e.g. a child took matches and set fire to a piece of a carpet.
- Undesirable behavior may be a harbinger of more serious problems. These are behaviors that are inappropriate for the age and level of development of the child, which are a problem for the parents, the child himself or other adults, e.g. the child throws to the ground and beats the parent when he refuses something.
- A disturbance we will define a set of many undesirable behaviors of a child, lasting several months and having significance for its development and deterioration of functioning.
In the context of working with irritating and undesirable behaviors, we do not remain helpless, even without the help of a specialist. There is no behavior that cannot be changed, taught or weaned a child. Later, we will provide ideas on what kind of punishment for a child will help us deal with difficult behavior effectively and how rewarding a child helps prevent problem behavior.
What exactly influences the child's behavior?
The behavior of our child is shaped by its consequences. If something comes up after the behavior that will increase the frequency of this behavior in the future, we will call it reinforcement. If, on the other hand, the frequency of behavior decreases, it will be a punishment. Positive reinforcement, i.e. the reward or the consequence (punishment) for the child's behavior is the parental reaction to this behavior. Positive reinforcement (reward) will be e.g. a candy for completing a task, and negative - removing something unpleasant, e.g. wagging a finger when one child beats another. As you can see, we can reward both good and bad behavior from time to time. Only by consciously rewarding and drawing consequences can we significantly influence the behavior of our children.
Consequences and punishments for children - examples
If parents could let their children do whatever they wanted, consequences would probably not be needed. We must require that children brush their teeth, do their homework, or that they do not remove all toys they like from the store without payment. Children have to follow certain requirements - whether they like them or not. In order not to order the child, but to teach them to do things that they did not like so far (or unlearn those that are attractive to the child, and not necessarily to the parent), we must make the child aware of the consequences of the choices made. The child should know that making a different choice will result in consequences, i.e. actions that will cause discomfort and frustration.
Expert advises
Consistency should be a planned action, independent of the adult's mood, and therefore of the parent's anger. Proper consequence follows the undesirable behavior, is announced, appropriate to the scale of the misconduct, and brought to an end. Effective consistency is also one that is not severe or long-term punishment, but is administered every time.
We distinguish a few types of consequences.
- The first is ignoringthat is, not paying attention to the child. It is the conscious act of the parent who chooses not to notice the child until the undesirable behavior has subsided. This kind of consistency works when the child's goal is to get the parent's attention.
- In the case of difficult behaviors that give the child additional benefits other than the attention of an adult, it may work withdrawal of the privilege child. Such a statutory consistency gives the child a choice and means that the parent does not have to take responsibility for the child's behavior and for taking the consequences. Regularity is based on the principle that the child knows in advance what the consequence will be for a given undesirable behavior. Most often it consists in depriving some pleasure, e.g. lack of access to sweets, throwing 10 groszy into a piggy bank, but you can also send the child to a boring place.
- The "interruption rule" is isolating child from the awardswhich he delivers to himself by behaving in an undesirable manner - despite the admonition.
- They remain to be discussed natural consequences. These will be actions that will naturally happen when our child behaves in an undesirable way. The child will suffer natural consequences when he destroys his pencil case and we let him choose between buying it from the pocket or fastening the accessories with an elastic band.
Rewarding the child, which is the parent's most effective tool
The prizes are the best way to increase motivation among both children and adults. However, many parents report that their children are not interested in the awards. This is because children receive so many material things from their parents that they do not care about, that they have an abundance of them. To help resolve this situation, it is worth developing a reward system. First, kids should have a fixed set of things guaranteed, that is, independent of their behavior (e.g. wholesome meals, clothes, school accessories). In the second step, you should consider what, in addition to the guaranteed things, we offer our children, e.g. having a cell phone, dessert, watching TV. Divide all these things into a package of privileges and rewards - so that the child feels a little unsatisfied with these resources, so that he wants to reach for the opportunity to take advantage of the rewards.
Expert advises
The privilege package will be available to the child after completing their duties, i.e. after completing their homework, feeding the pet. And the reward may be something that the child himself comes up with, and the parents agree to fulfill the request. Child rewards and privileges work separately. The child receives privileges for obeying the rules, and rewards for additional obligations. It is also worth persuading the child to take advantage of non-material rewards, e.g. spending time with a parent on a trip or playing.
The example comes from above
We should also remember one more important rule regarding the formation or maintenance of certain behaviors in children. Modeling attitudes by the parent becomes important. The child constantly observes how the parent reacts when he is frustrated, how he copes with difficult situations or resolves conflicts with other people. By observing the parent, the child learns to cope with his own emotions or social situations. It is worth for the child to see that in the relationships we do not criticize others, but rather describe what we do not like about their behavior, but also that we are able to notice and appreciate the efforts to cooperate better in the group.
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