Two-year-old's rebellion: how to cope?
In the period between the ages of two and three, children make great strides in regulating their own emotions and behavior. As in the case of other stages of development, parents play a large role in gaining knowledge by a child about coping with their own emotions. It is true that not all children are equally easy to cope with self-regulation, i.e. the ability to regulate their own experiences, but this does not mean that the visible difficulties in this area (e.g. aggression in a two-year-old) will persist in the child's life and will lead to problematic behavior.
What is commonly known as a two-year-old rebellion related to? What skills does a child need to develop to deal with outbursts of anger? How long does a two-year-old rebellion last? And finally - how to react when aggression occurs in a two-year-old? We will try to answer these issues in this article.
The concept of self-regulation
The processes of "self-regulation" constitute the basis for the functioning of many areas in the development of a child, and their education is necessary for the proper functioning of a human being in adulthood. Not only do they help the child discover their commitment and curiosity in learning about the world and social environment, but also facilitate adaptation to new situations, experiences and requirements set by the environment.
In infancy, the support of a parent's ability to self-regulate a child relies mainly on physical contact. Being looked after by parents, babies are completely dependent on the caregiver's need for support in feeding, hygiene and play.
It is the parents who try to alleviate the stress and cry of the baby in the face of unmet physical needs. They hug the baby, remove stimuli that cause the problem and provide closeness to the baby by hugging it and picking it up. One of the great challenges for a young child is to learn about the consequences of naturally occurring difficult emotions, to control them and influence their behavior. The child notices what is happening to his body when anger appears, which is a response, for example, for the parent taking the toy. It is a very long process. The quality of cooperation with other people depends on the degree of development of this skill.
Expert advises
Parents of toddlers, tired of the wave of repeated outbursts of anger in their child, often wonder what determines how long the rebellion of a two-year-old child lasts and can they somehow help the child deal with it faster? It can be said that the development of the ability to regulate emotions, both positive and negative, will accompany us for the rest of our lives, but the greatest changes take place in the first three years of human life, when there is a huge increase in intellectual and social functioning. For this reason, parents experience many difficulties in their child's behavior and are looking for ways to deal with them.
Conscious control in a child: what is it?
For those parents who wonder what is a two-year-old rebellion and how to react to it, we will try to clarify these issues below. To begin with, we will discuss a few more important facts about the changes in the perception of the environment that occur in a child's development.
From about the second half of the age of 1, a toddler should start to develop the ability for conscious control. It consists in consciously replacing the child's natural, impulsive reactions (e.g. instrumental aggression) with such behavior that is perhaps less attractive, but more effective (in the long term) for the child.
For example: a child, by experimenting in reactions to commands from the environment, may choose:
- lying on the floor and crying to get a toy;
- or listen to what the parent says and arrange a different reward in exchange for refraining from requesting the toy immediately.
The ability to consciously control: rise and development
The formation of conscious control skills is related to the development of the prefrontal cortex responsible for planning and making decisions. The development in this area is visible when the child begins to comply with the prohibition, for example: Do not touch or warrant, e.g .: Clean up the toy. Importantly, it is not just about the child obeying our instructions. First of all, we should focus on the child's reactions and support those that most build his internal motivation to build cooperation.
As intellectual development progresses, fostering conscious control in a child can take the form of a conversation - recalling rules and negotiating them with the child. Therefore, a lot of good can be done by parents who are consciously aware of how to teach their children to deal with their own experiences.
Situational subordination or cooperation?
The child may obey the instructions of the parents on a basis interactionwhat breeds the toddler's commitment, or may be situational. Child psychologists point out that, above all, the first type of subordination is of direct importance for the emergence of positive motivation to actively participate in social situations. This is important for the child to later incorporate the rules of behavior proposed by the parents into the repertoire of their behaviors and to effectively cope with their emotions.
Expert advises
Therefore, it is important that we, as parents, monitor whether the child is willing to submit to the parent's request. Only then will we ensure that we have confidence that these requests will be followed, without our having to supervise the child's behavior. Showing warmth and acceptance when creating a platform for joint activities with your child becomes key. Then the toddler will willingly and adequately join it. For example, encourage your child to wipe the table if he spills a drink during a meal. It is a form of activity supporting the child's independence.
Two-year-old's rebellion how to react?
Usually as achievements increase, within the framework of social understanding, there is a typical increase in aggressive behavior in a child between 18 and 24 months of age. The child learns that the social world is subject to certain rules that must be obeyed. On the other hand, growing competences in the field of intellectual and motor development support the child's sense of agency and the willingness to influence the environment.
The child feels a great ambivalence of feelings because, on the one hand, he realizes that he can already do a lot, and on the other hand, he feels completely dependent on the caregiver.
The boundaries set by the guardians and the child's aggression
Usually, in the second year of life, children show a lot of frustration, anger in their behavior, even the slightest reason can make aggressive two-year-old he will start to bite, hit or kick us. Such manifestations of assertiveness in a child are a typical form of examining the acceptable limits set by caregivers.
In typical development, thanks to self-regulatory processes, the child should use more effective behavioral strategies and build cooperation with the environment. It will be possible as long as such experiences were offered to him by the environment. However, if the problem patterns became permanent, and the rebellion of a two-year-old turned into a rebellion of a three or even four-year-old, it is necessary to provide the child with parental support.
Method of negotiation and compromise
In the case of children with difficulties in self-regulation, we should initially observe what the child focuses on. Let's take a look at his needs and what he does to meet those needs. One should carefully follow the child's signals regarding the willingness to obtain our help or support, and praise the child's achievements.
The proper goal here is to get out of the vicious circle of settled, conflicting relationships based on the child's aggression and to shift the emphasis to a positive model of contacts with the parent.
The parent's submission to the child's aggression
A typical vicious circle is the parent's submission to the child's aggression, perpetuating the rebellious behavior. The key is not to gain an advantage over the child, but to find the means to achieve your goal, despite the resistance of the child.
No parental consistency
Another example of a problem that enhances aggression in a child may be inconsistency in the parent. The interaction cycle here is that the child demands something attractive until the parent gives in to the child's request. Negotiating with the child and reaching a common compromise becomes essential in breaking such a pattern of reinforcing problematic behavior.
Do not be afraid to consult a specialist
If we are concerned about any child's behavior, we should consult a specialist, e.g. a psychologist. Such a consultation is aimed at assessing whether the behavior problem does not overlap with other developmental problems of the child.
Źródła:
Lynne Murray (2019). "PSYCHOLOGY OF A SMALL CHILD How social relations support a child's development in the first two years of life", Paradygmat Publishing House;
Carole Sutton (1992). "How to Deal with Difficult Behavior in Children." "Synapsis" Foundation
Author
