The child does not want to go to kindergarten: what to do? How to encourage a child to kindergarten?
Starting preschool is a big change for children. However, the question of how to convince a child to attend preschool is sometimes asked only when a toddler's reluctance to attend the facility becomes apparent. What can parents do before this happens to help their children enter this new, crucial stage of their development? How can you encourage your child to attend preschool instead of forcing them? How should you react when difficulties arise and what approach should you take when your child refuses to attend preschool ? Read on for advice from an experienced child psychologist .
The preschool years are a time when a child emerges from the shelter of parental care and begins to live in a preschool environment, among peers, in a different social group, with strangers. Preschool routines differ from those at home, with group rules, and a different environment than at home. A three-year-old child entering preschool faces significant changes, and consequently, fear and anxiety about the unknown. We offer a psychological perspective on the role of parents in this situation, as well as what behaviors to avoid to convince a child to attend preschool, and what can help if a child refuses to attend.
The kindergarten is a change of the child's lifestyle
A parent's return to work is the most common reason for enrolling a child in preschool. This marks the end of a period when a child develops and matures under the watchful eye of mom and dad, carefully supervised and safely playing at home. Their social life, until this point, had been centered at home, expanded to include grandparents, extended family, friends, and children encountered at playgrounds. The child felt natural in close proximity to their parents, knew the daily routine, and learned bedtimes, mealtimes, and playtimes.
In the face of this safe haven of parents, siblings and a famous home, going to kindergarten for a small child is a milestone in his development, or even a great challenge that he faces. There are children who smoothly enter the stage of adaptation to a new place and situation, and others for whom it is a difficult experience, they need more time, attention, support and guidance through this initial period.
How to encourage a child to kindergarten?
Expert advises
Parents play a huge role in encouraging children to attend kindergarten, in presenting them what kind of kindergarten is (which is beneficial, good, interesting, nice). It is mom and dad who create the image of the kindergarten, it is their attitude that will be the source of the child's attitude towards the care and educational institution. To a large extent, the way in which information about the kindergarten is presented, and the form in which it is told, will influence the image of the kindergarten that the child will build within itself. The conversation about the change in functioning that is to take place - the parent's return to work, starting the kindergarten - should take place much earlier. Getting used to this topic will allow the child to tame the image of the changes that are to come. Thanks to this, it will not be a sudden, unknown event, it will not be a jump into deep water, the name of which the child does not know.
How parents discuss preschool with their child depends on them, as they know their child best and know what topics will resonate with them. It's also crucial for the child to be able to ask questions during the conversation—asking in a childlike way, using a child's mindset. Such an open conversation, supported by, for example, a book, pictures, and examples of other people the child knows who attend preschool, can encourage further exploration of preschool with the child.
The teacher and educator are also of great importance. His attitude, openness, joy and commitment, as well as careful observation of children, are a big factor in responding to a child's willingness or reluctance to attend kindergarten.
Parents have no influence on the choice of a teacher, but contact and efficient communication with him can certainly contribute to cooperation and reliable transfer of information about the child.
Why the child does not want to go to kindergarten?
There may be various reasons why children do not want to attend preschool. One of them is getting up early, especially in autumn and winter, where after the warm holiday time, when the days were long and full of attractions, a cool, gray, short day comes and the weather changes to rainy and gloomy. It does not help the baby to wake up early, to get to the intensity of the morning.
A child aged 3, 4, or 5 often doesn't yet understand why they have to leave home so early and spend half the day away. The mere lack of understanding of this situation, coupled with the symbiosis between parents, can trigger heightened emotions and intense experiences. Parents, however, are not immune to these emotions either, especially as they are rushed in the mornings and find it difficult to quickly manage their child's emotions and bring both the toddler and themselves back to stability and control. That's why methods for leaving the house, individually developed by each family, each parent and child, are so important.
How to convince a child to exit to kindergarten?
The baby should get enough sleep
It is worth paying attention to the evening before going to kindergarten, so that the child goes to bed at a favorable time, so that he sleeps as long as possible. A dream should be preceded by some pleasant feelings - reading a book, listening to quiet music, a story told by a parent, stroking on the back and head. It would be good for parents to prepare all the things needed to go out and take them with them in the early hours of the morning to avoid nervous atmosphere and confusion.
Let's take care of the child's well-being
In the morning, also let something nice happen - your favorite song when you wake up or your favorite breakfast sandwich. On the way to kindergarten, we can do some fun, in the style of - we observe unusual things outside the car window, and then we tell each other about them. If we go to the kindergarten on foot, we can count the steps alternately with the child, collect treasures - leaves, cool pebbles, chestnuts, etc. The farewell should be gentle, affectionate, but cheerful, with a good parent's face with the assurance that we will come for the child at the appointed time, for example, after high tea, so that the child has a reference to the time they recognize.
Let's build nice associations
To add value to the kindergarten, we can arrange an afternoon with the parents of a favorite friend on the playground for a joint walk to the park. The next day in kindergarten may contain elements of remembering the joint meeting, you can tell the child to ask a friend about their impressions and what they liked.
The method of small steps
In young children, whose pre-school adaptation is slow, it is important that the time in kindergarten is gradually extended, in order to introduce the child to the new rules, activities, rituals and pre-school reality in small steps.
Pay attention to the child
After kindergarten, it is good to spend some time with your child playing together, preparing afternoon tea or dinner together. The moments of reading together, telling about what happened during the day are important. Such 100% attention to the child builds a sense of security and uniqueness in him and gives him strength for the next days in a long week.
What NOT to do if your child is reluctant to attend kindergarten?
A child's attitude towards kindergarten is a component of many factors - a child's disposition and attitudes, the attitude of the parent, the teacher's attitude and the atmosphere in the kindergarten. It is important not to scare the child with a punishment for reluctance towards kindergarten, but also not to promise rewards for being brave during the day. When an adult yells at a child, it creates a nervous atmosphere and heightens the child's fear - especially when it happens when it is going out or about to break up in kindergarten. When a child does not want to go to kindergarten, the parent's peace of mind and his cheerful attitude to the situation are very important.
Expert advises
If the child does not want to go to kindergarten, rushing or threatening to be late will not help - on the contrary, it will paralyze the child's attitude. It is better to use your example to emphasize how much easier it is to slowly and calmly leave home to kindergarten and work in the morning. With all these activities and events, one must not negate the child's feelings and emotions, and one must not deny what the child is saying. We adults want to be heard by children, so let's listen to what they say to us, because their reaction coming from within the fear may be the best instruction on how to support the child and show understanding towards him.
When baby cries in kindergarten ...
It's not a one-off or exceptional situation for a child to cry at preschool. It's actually a natural reaction for a beginning preschooler to changing, new, and stressful circumstances. It's also a difficult time for parents. It's important that adults don't burden children with their doubts and fears; they can share them with their partners, family, and specialists. Children need space for their own emotions and experiences—they have the right to be afraid and cry, to miss and be sad throughout the day. It's important to explain to the child that such feelings are okay.
If the parent forces the child to behave in a polite manner, avoiding / refraining from crying, and supports it by promising to reward the child or punish him for not fulfilling the request, he will not eliminate difficult emotions in the child, but will lock them in, leaving him in this state of tension. .
Look at kindergarten through the eyes of a child
There's no set recipe for getting a child to go to preschool, but it's worth avoiding behaviors that definitely won't help. We can't expect a child to adapt quickly to changes, immediately change their challenging behaviors, and have preschool go smoothly. Allowing a child to freely express themselves and their fears and dislikes at preschool will demonstrate their acceptance, which provides real support for the child.
You have to be prepared for difficult behaviors after returning home - where the tension from kindergarten may need an outlet - in the form of problems with falling asleep, arguing or not cooperating. We, adults, can also play with the child at kindergarten at home, then the child who plays "the lady" will express, repeat, and illustrate what he sees and feels every day in the kindergarten. Let's see the world of kindergarten through the eyes of a child, as well as the fears and fears related to it.
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