Sexual orientation: how to talk to your child about it?

To discuss the topic of sexuality and sexual orientation, you must first ask yourself - am I, as an adult, parent or guardian, ready for such a conversation? The subject is very intimate, it concerns an essential sphere of human life, and in the case of young people it can cause embarrassment, anxiety and fear.

In order to talk to a child about sexuality, whatever the topic, an adult should be open to listening, to the questions asked, and to be calm and tolerant of differences and otherness existing in society.

Social view of sexual orientations

Sexual orientation is, on the one hand, romantic attraction and, on the other, sexual attraction towards women, men or both sexes. Both heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual orientation is treated as a variant of the existing human sexuality. Life is perceived subjectively by each of us. Felt and lived as well. Sexuality (and its various spheres) can also be understood differently. When children start talking, they also start asking about sexuality. The most frequently asked questions deal first with body names and then with organ functions. It is adults who treat the subject as difficult, and for a child the matter is as obvious as finding the difference in skin or hair color.

Moving on, the children ask for closeness, for love. On the subject of sexual difference, the 'stairs' begin in children's questions and adults' answers. And a child needs a specific definition - there are girls who love girls and boys who love boys. After all, the little man is just discovering the world. In such a situation, the parent or the closest adult is an authority for him and at the same time a source of first knowledge. 

Homosexual child and the parent's behavior

Optics that are hostile to otherness cause a lot of trauma and disturb the sense of security if at some stage of development a child discovers that he or she is born homosexual or bisexual. Parents dealing with the topic of a homosexual child - teenager may raise questions such as: son is gay, daughter is lesbian - what to do? A tolerant and open approach can be the basis for preventing young people from even taking their toll on their lives, especially when they live among many homophobic approaches to diversity in their immediate surroundings.

Due to the lack of tolerance and misunderstanding of the subject of different orientations, young people experience problems - with decreased self-esteem, nervous tension, depression, and auto-aggressive behavior.

How to talk about sexual orientations? 

It is very important to point out that homosexual people have the same life as heterosexual couples - they go to school, work, cinema, have their own interests, life problems, fall in love. In this way, the parent informs his or her heterosexual or homosexual child that there is only one difference in social life in terms of sexual orientations. It is mainly heterosexual people who do not experience discrimination because of their sexuality. People who love each other hold hands, hug in public places, without fear that they will be challenged or laughed at.

Children are curious and are looking for an answer to the question of what sex is, so they will also be looking for an answer to the question about sex of homosexual couples. In every sphere of intimate life, adults find it difficult to answer the question, but it is easier for children to listen to this answer, regardless of age.

You can always answer that a man and a woman are in love, they hug each other, kiss, stroke each other and enjoy it. And this information is probably enough for a child.

 How do I talk to my children about sexuality?

• Only tell the truth

Children believe what they learn from their parents. It is extremely important that to tell the truth. Based on our conveyed content, words, the child creates a picture of the world, beliefs about sexuality, body and gender. You have to use the correct naming of body parts - for girls and boys.

• Speak in plain, intelligible language

You always need to talk to your child adapt any phrases and specific terminology to your age. The three-year-old will not penetrate the detailed structure of the body, because the name and functions of a given organ will be important to him. A 5-year-old will consider such information too general and at this age he will want to know, for example, what sperm are.

• Adjust the length of speech according to age

Small children have less attention span. In a conversation with a 3-year-old, the parent has 2-3 minutes to convey the most important content. On the other hand, 5-year-olds will carefully enter the conversation, ask questions and listen to the answers, focusing on one topic for up to several minutes.

• Use the help of books

Taking into account, of course, that the reading does not deprive the guardian of a real, attentive presence with the child during the conversation. The best book, with all its valuable content, is not able to replace the parent - his concerns, emotions, tone of voice in a conversation on very intimate topics, and so closely related to man and his sexual development.

• Internal readiness to talk to the child about everything

Some questions may be uncomfortable for parents or asked at a difficult moment in an uncomfortable situation. Parental consternation, especially when children directly ask about sex or homosexual love, often comes down to reacting on the basis of a reflex that cuts the topic off.

To talk about difficult issues (also difficult for a parent - such as the topic of a homosexual child) time comfort is needed to calmly and deeply rethink your own opinions, attitudes, attitudes towards relationships, relationships and sex. Then, the moment a teenager asks you, you won't have to think about the answer. There will also be no confusion when it turns out that son is gay and/ or daughter is a lesbian. Instead of wondering what to do, you will use the foundations and foundations developed earlier, building your answers on this basis.

At the moment when the parent formulates his statement based on his own beliefs and reflections, and accordingly shows his attitude towards people, then the child will learn the truest lesson, relating it to the parent's authority. In conversations with children, it is worth following them.

Difficult questions of a child and the reaction of the parent 

When a topic puts forward by a child tops the list of "Top 10 Questions", it is probably the most interesting at the moment, and the child will pursue it until he or she feels fully satisfied with the knowledge gained.

Sexuality

In the case of the topic of sexuality, when a child begins to explore information about corporality or sexuality, it can be very monothematic and insightful for a while. Usually, on issues important to him, he asks similar questions, searches for content related to this topic, asks for details, in order to fill himself with knowledge after some time and focus on another problem. It is worth to persistently dispel the child's doubts, especially since the most valuable thing is that the parent was able to deal with the topic - the child himself. 

Sexual orientation

In matters of sexual orientation, we, adults, remain a dilemma - what words to use and how much information should be given to the child, if he asks, searches for information, he needs our knowledge. On the one hand, children have the right to know, on the other - there may be a fear of accidental sexualization of children in their parents (especially when in the minds of parents, apart from such dilemmas, there are also concerns such as: "the son is gay, the daughter is a lesbian - what to do?" ).

Parent's behavior and teenager's opinion

With teen parents, you need to be prepared that one day they will say that the parent is doing or saying something racist, sexist or homophobic. You can definitely not belittle the child's opinion and intuition, not deny it, but be open to information and criticism from your own children. Our daily activities and attitudes towards children are of great importance and have the potential to create reality and build a child's optics for the rest of their lives.