Respect for grandparents: what to do when a child does not respect his grandmother?
A situation in which a child does not respect grandma is very difficult both for her, the toddler's parents, and for the wayward grandson himself. What to do when a child does not like and does not respect grandma, what to pay attention to?
How to talk to grandma and your child? In this article we will help you find the right solution.
How does a child behave I don't respect grandma?
Respect is an attitude that combines politeness and empathy, i.e. care for another human being. Respect for another person is above all the acceptance of their appearance, lifestyle, views and decisions, even when they are different from ours.
Respect is a subjective concept - what may be considered disrespectful to some may still be considered decent behavior for others.
What do we find in the attitude of a child who has no respect for his grandmother? When a child does not respect grandma, it can show it towards her in the following ways:
- vulgar language, rude words, giving offensive nicknames, e.g. old woman, crone;
- ignoring what grandma says, disregarding her opinion, constantly "rolling her eyes" and wincing when she says/asks something;
- making offensive gestures towards grandma, e.g. showing the middle finger, spitting;
- disrespect for grandma's job, e.g. making a mess and arguing: "Grandma has nothing to do anyway, she'll clean up."
These are just some of the signals that may indicate that a child does not respect his grandmother. Where does this behavior come from, and how to find the right solution to this difficult situation?
Why the child does not like, does not respect the grandmother? Try to find the source of the problem
Expert advises
Every behavior of a child (even a tiny one) has its cause. When a child does not respect grandma, the fault is rarely solely on the side of the recalcitrant toddler, although in fact, the child may be going through a difficult stage of development, e.g. rebellion of a 5-year-old, rebellion of a teenager. The family often sees only the effect of the child's reluctance towards the grandmother, i.e. disrespect and "naughty" behavior of the granddaughter. However, to eliminate the problem, you need to find its cause, which can be multidimensional.
The reason for the child's lack of respect for the grandmother may be due to, among others: With:
- conflicts and misunderstandings in the relationship grandmother-parents of the child;
- inappropriate behavior of the grandmother towards the child;
- the toddler's erroneous beliefs towards the grandmother, e.g.: the child does not like the grandmother because he or she may have misunderstood a situation or one of her statements.
Many older people can't get on well with your grandchildren. Therefore, when we observe that a child does not like or respect grandma, it is worth looking for a solution to this problem together.
What to do when the child does not respect the grandmother: talk with your child and set a good example
Let us remember that children are outstanding observers, so when we demand respect from them towards other people, first of all we must set a good example ourselves:
- The child's parents should nurture their relationship with their grandparents (with your parents/in-laws). Sometimes it is difficult to reach mutual agreement, but for the sake of the child it is worth looking for satisfactory compromises and showing respect to each other. Why doesn't the child like grandma? Perhaps her parents at home speak badly of her? Or maybe the grandmother constantly criticizes the child's parents, which arouses his reluctance?
- Showing respect and care. On a daily basis, parents should show grandma their care, help her, always treat her with respect. You can encourage your child to make a card for grandma, bake cookies for her.
- Let's tell family stories. Why doesn't the child like grandma? Perhaps he meets her very rarely, which makes it difficult to build a real bond? In addition to regular telephone conversations with grandma, it is worth telling your child family stories. After arriving at grandma's, ask her to take out old albums, tell her adventures from her youth and raising the child's parents.
- Let's read fairy tales about family relationships. When a small child does not like grandma, you can read fairy tales together in which the relationship between grandma and grandchildren is strong and valuable. Fairy tales can be a starting point for a conversation about a child's feelings towards grandma.
Expert advises
The most important thing is never to underestimate and not to "turn a blind eye" when, as parents, we see that the child does not like and does not respect grandma. You should talk about such behavior with your child and with the grandmother (in private), and then discuss difficult situations together among: the grandson/granddaughter, the grandmother and the child's parents.
When the child does not respect the grandmotheryou need to talk to her about it
As we have already mentioned, when a child does not like or respect his grandmother, the reason may be her attitude towards her grandson or his parents. It's worth keeping an eye on grandma's behaviors that may negatively affect her relationship with her grandchildren. Below we present what you should pay special attention to.
Criticizing or ridiculing the child's parents in their presence
Constantly lecturing, criticizing educational methods, ridiculing parents in the eyes of the child, e.g. Mommy forbids eating ice cream again, how can it be? Grandma will buy you! Although the grandmother is very important in the lives of grandchildren, parents should be the most important. It is worth that all misunderstandings should be clarified by adults, preferably in private.
Grandma breaking the rules set by her parents
Forgiving, allowing everything. Why doesn't a child like his grandmother if she constantly spoils him? Every child needs to feel safe clear, unchanging rules. It is best to set them together with the toddler's parents and then stick to them.
Indulging and excessively spoiling your grandchild can overwhelm and discourage him. Grandma's lack of rules and submissiveness may make the child consider her untrustworthy and untrustworthy: Grandma agrees to everything, I can manipulate her, so I don't have to respect her!
Grandma's lack of reaction to her grandson's/granddaughter's inappropriate behavior
In response to, for example, the words: I don't like you old lady grandma should:
- ask why the grandson/granddaughter says that;
- tell your grandson/granddaughter about your feelings, e.g. I don't like you talking to me like that, it makes me sad.
Favoring one of the grandchildren, overdisciplining
Perhaps the child does not like grandma because she feels inferior to other grandchildren? Grandma may implicitly show sympathy for other grandchildren - talk to them differently, pay attention to their affairs, make cakes for them, etc. Perhaps grandma is too strict? Sometimes with one word or gesture you can strongly alienate and hurt a child - even unconsciously.
These are just some of the possible reasons for the reluctance and disrespect of the granddaughter/granddaughter towards the grandmother. If conversations with the child and the grandmother do not bring results and we do not know why the child does not like or respect the grandmother, it is worth seeking professional help from a child and family psychologist.
Good relationships between loved ones take time, because there are often many difficult emotions in them, but for the sake of the child and the whole family, this work is definitely worth the effort.
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