Relationship with a partner and a child — how to properly take care of the relationship?

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Do you remember the times when you and your partner made plans for the future and your relationship was full of tenderness? Now you have a child and the relationship looks completely different… Many couples experience crisis in marriage after the birth of a child, because new responsibilities, sleep deficit and time alone often lead to tensions and misunderstandings. Can this be remedied? 

In this article, we'll show you how to rebuild closeness and get through the crisis in your relationship after having a baby, without giving up the joy of parenthood.

Why may a relationship arise? crisis after childbirth, is this normal?

It is estimated that even about 70% of couples experience a crisis in their marriage after the birth of a child — the decline in marital satisfaction is most noticeable within 1 year after the birth of the first child, even if it was planned[1].

It is not surprising, because with the arrival of a new family member, the couple must learn to function in completely different conditions. This is a huge change of priorities, but also a reorganization of every sphere of life - from household chores to intimacy. It is therefore natural that this period favors conflicts, and from there it is a direct path to crisis in a relationship after the birth of a child and the growing distance between partners.

Joanna Pruban

Psychologist, pedagogue and specialist in psycho-oncology, Department of Oncology and Oncological Surgery for Children and Adolescents, Institute of Mother and Child

The expert advises:

Research on groups of parents suggests that if a couple had a good relationship before conception, the decline in relationship satisfaction after birth is smaller. If the relationship was already going through a serious crisis before the baby was born, its arrival may deepen the existing problems. [1]. It is worth emphasizing that the level of satisfaction with the relationship after the birth of a child is also correlated with the individual circumstances of each parent, including: personality traits, sense of financial security, or life priorities (e.g. career vs. family orientation).

In such a context, seemingly minor misunderstandings can develop into serious ones. crisis in marriage after the birth of a child, all the more so if there is a lack of open conversation and mutual understanding of needs between partners.

Common problems of young mothers: rejection and sometimes even hate to your husband after the birth of a child?

Especially in women, hormonal changes after childbirth can intensify mood swings. On the one hand, there is a desire to be a "perfect mother" and partner, on the other – an increase fatigue, lack of sleep and frustration, often fueled by social media, where you can find many (often not entirely realistic) images of "ideal" parents. Many young mothers feel disappointed with their appearance, feelings and the attitude of their partner, which can ultimately lead to, among other things:

  • PARTNER MOVEMENT INTO THE BACKGROUND

    Also referred to as the rejection of the husband after the birth of the child. The newborn naturally focuses all the attention of the mother. The effect? ​​The so-called rejection of husband after the birth of a child, which is not always intentional, but takes away the father's sense of closeness and importance in the family. Men often cannot cope with the frustration resulting from this situation, which causes emotional coldness and even conflict.

  • EXTREME EMOTIONS AND TENSIONS

    Nhate to her husband after the birth of a child - such strong, negative emotions may be the result of, among others, excess responsibilities, lack of support or feeling misunderstood. Hatred is a strong word, but this is how many new mothers describe their disappointment with their partner and new family situation.

It is important to understand early enough where these negative emotions come from, including frustration or hate to your husband after the birth of a child, and how you can deal with them.

How to take care of relationships and overcome crisis in a relationship after the birth of a child?

Open communication

The first step to overcoming a crisis in marriage after the birth of a child is honest conversation about feelings and concerns. It is worth asking your partner about what they need and what they are afraid of, how they imagine parenthood and the new division of responsibilities. You should also talk about your own feelings, even if they sound uncomfortable - silence always leads to escalation of the problem.

Joanna Pruban

Psychologist, pedagogue and specialist in psycho-oncology, Department of Oncology and Oncological Surgery for Children and Adolescents, Institute of Mother and Child

The expert advises:

The way we talk to each other in a partnership relationship is a process and it is worth making an effort to develop this skill. This is the only way to reach an understanding.

Fair division of responsibilities

Many conflicts arise from simple tiredness and a sense of injustice. Establish a list of tasks together and try to share them if possible, but remember to be flexible - after all, every day can bring unexpected challenges. Thanks to this rejection of husband after the birth of a child and the feeling that "mom does everything herself" will be less likely.

Nurturing closeness

While the word hate to her husband after the birth of a child may sound shocking, many mothers confirm that the aversion resulting from exhaustion can grow to such a disturbing level. That is why small gestures of affection, taking a walk together or watching a movie, even if the baby is sleeping next to it, they can work wonders.

Mutual care eases tensions and reminds us of old feelings.

Joint therapy or expert consultation

It happens that crisis in marriage after the birth of a child becomes so serious that a simple conversation is not enough. Then it is worth considering professional help – a psychologist, couples therapist or mediator-family advisor. A specialist will help you develop effective strategies for dealing with challenges, as well as recognize behavioral patterns that make communication difficult.

 

The most common concerns and questions parents have when a child is born

  • Is this the end of our marriage?

    No one has ever done so. Crisis in a relationship after the birth of a child and difficulties in adapting to a new role are completely normal and quite common, but it does not have to mean the end of the relationship.

  • Am I a bad partner if she shows up at my place? hate to your husband after the birth of a child?

    These are strong words, but they often best describe how a new mother feels when faced with the accumulation of stress and a sense of disappointment in her partner.

Talk about it openly, and if the problem worsens, don't be afraid to seek professional support.

  • How to rebuild closeness when your husband rejects you after the birth of a child?

    Start by having an honest conversation about each other's needs. Sometimes minor changes to the daily schedule or organisation of help with the child can restore balance in the relationship.

Crisis in a relationship after the birth of a child - when should you seek specialist help?

Joanna Pruban

Psychologist, pedagogue and specialist in psycho-oncology, Department of Oncology and Oncological Surgery for Children and Adolescents, Institute of Mother and Child

The expert advises:

Aggressive behaviour towards a partner, prolonged lack of communication (so-called silent days), or escalating hatred towards the husband after the birth of a child are signals that the support of a psychotherapist may be necessary. Early consultation with an expert helps to resolve the conflict before it develops into a serious crisis in the relationship after the birth of a child, threatening the durability of the relationship.

Crisis in a relationship and marriage after the birth of a child are difficult, but often temporary stages in a couple's life. It is important to do not ignore disturbing signals and do not allow a situation in which rejection of husband after the birth of a child or growing hate to her husband after the birth of a child will become an everyday occurrence.

With the right support, honesty and willingness to look for solutions together, you can rebuild your relationship and enjoy your new family life.

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Bibliography:

  1. Dankiewicz M., Pieniążek S., The sense of happiness and meaning in life of parents of children in early and middle childhood – a review of research, Studia Psychologica XI (2018), ISSN 2084-5596, DOI 10.24917/20845596.11.3 (accessed on 15.01.2025): https://cejsh.icm.edu.pl/cejsh/element/bwmeta1.element.ojs-doi-10_24917_20845596_11_3/c/7068-6515.pdf
  2. Marianna Dąbrowska-Wnuk (2018), Transition to parenthood as a developmental crisis in the family life cycle, pp. 15-34 [in]: Where Are We Going? Supporting Human Development in Family, Education and Business, Poznań School of Banking, Branch in Chorzów, (accessed on 15.01.2025): http://62.3.168.81/Content/1600/PDF/Sadowska_%20Wiśniak_%20Łukasiewicz_Dokąd_zmierzamy.pdf#page=15
  3. Shapiro, A. F., Gottman, J. M., & Carrère, S. (2000). The Baby and the Marriage: Identifying Factors that Buffer Against Decline in Marital Satisfaction after the First Baby Arrives. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 59-70.
  4. Doss, B. D., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2009). The Effect of the Transition to Parenthood on Relationship Quality: An Eight-Year Prospective Study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(3), 601-619.

Medical consultation

Joanna Pruban

Psychologist, pedagogue and specialist in psycho-oncology, Department of Oncology and Oncological Surgery for Children and Adolescents, Institute of Mother and Child

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