How to talk to a teenager?

As a parent, you go to great lengths to create a strong and lasting bond with your teen. As a child enters adolescence, it changes so much that parents may feel that they do not know the young person who is their child. The parent ceases to be the only authority, the peer group comes to the fore. How to find a way to communicate with a teenager who is changing intensively, building his individuality and independence by storm? How to talk to a teenager?

Conversation with a teenager, even on a trivial topic, can feel like a difficult, exhausting exercise. It is not known whether an adult's good intentions and a sincere willingness to understand will provoke an unforeseen reaction. Even a small matter can turn out to be critical, so communication becomes a real challenge.

Conversation builds a relationship and supports

Conversation is essential to get your teenager through the difficult time of adolescence, to build a relationship with him, giving him support, without depriving him of his own opinion on issues that are important to the child. Seeing and accepting a teenager's emotions and the needs behind them is the primary task of adults. It is necessary to conduct a dialogue in a safe atmosphere, which may turn out to be the main support for the child in difficult times.

Watch out for turbulent emotions

Having "parenting" conversations about behavior is difficult because an adolescent young person will fiercely defend his point of view. Then, stormy emotions come out of him - anger, verbal aggression, refusal to follow orders, withdrawing from contact through ostentatious silence, provocative behavior. A parent may react differently. Emotions are not a good advisor, so you need to stop and remember a few rules:

• not to be embarrassed in conversations;
• avoid guilt in discussions when it comes to difficulties;
• make the child feel honest that we are listening to him / her;
• show interest in the adolescent's affairs and needs.

The role of mindfulness and openness

Common conversations, containing an element of mindful listening, will allow you to get to know the adolescent child. It is a way of building an understanding between a teenager and an adult. By skillfully conducting conversations with the child, the parent takes care of the quality of contact and its influence on the development of the adolescent child from scratch. Open conversation and the safe atmosphere experienced by a teenager with a parent will pay off when the adult and the child get closer to each other. Lack of support and trust in a parent can, in turn, result in a teenager's dangerous, irresponsible behavior.

How do I get along with my teenager?

Here are some important ones rules that every parent should follow in contact with a teenager. 

• Be authentic in your feelings and attitudes.
• Speak specifically - about the facts.
• Respect - take the child's opinion and interests seriously.
• Ask less - more talk about yourself - be open.
• Carefully listen.
• Specimen trust.

An attitude that builds an understanding

Handling is important in a conversation with a teenager personal language. It is he who expresses feelings, thoughts, expectations. The parent telling about himself allows the child to see his point of view and boundaries. Criticism or praise of the child is important when the child knows exactly which situation is being considered by the adult.

It is impossible to predict how much words we will get to the child, what the consequences of our attitudes towards him will be. The word of criticism is unlikely to arouse enthusiasm in the growing child, and it will certainly cause anxiety as to what it is like, whether it can be trusted, or whether it can be relied on. It is the adult's responsibility to talk to the teenager based on facts, not just touching on painful experiences and failures. Another detail of the talks is respect, which is the basis of understanding with each person. Respect manifests itself not only in what we say to a teenager - it is also expressed in the way we talk to him and whether we are open to a point of view different from ours. There is also a place here for an adult to become interested in what thoughts accompany a teenager, what he feels in specific situations or conversations.

Be careful with criticism and pointing out mistakes

Referring in conversations with a teenager only to the streak of mistakes made, the parent will not cause a radical change in him, characterized by the attitude - "I'll be good and polite". It would be an artificial transformation. Hearing unflattering words about himself, a teenager will first believe that he is angry and then decide that he is no good. Entering the world of a teenager requires us as adults to open up to the child and let him into our experiences and experiences, of course, to the extent required by the situation. The openness of an adult who talks about himself, about his doubts, searches and needs, as well as dreams, will give the teenager the feeling that he can talk to his parent about himself without judging. Each time a child opens up, he or she can tell about things that the adult may not like. However, it is always important to appreciate your teenager's sincerity and listen to the end. Later, it is worth considering how to get his attention and when to do so, finding time and a good place. If, as parents, we listen to our child, perceive and name the emotions he experiences, the teenage child feels that he has the right to experience them.

Being taken seriously: deciding and taking responsibility

It is nothing new that parents want to cut off their children from difficult matters, emotions and disappointments, so it happens that they try to act immediately - by downplaying the problem, comforting them, giving quick advice. However, jIf an adult wants to be taken seriously by his teen, he must treat him in the same way. Sometimes tediously repeating the same thing several times may not work. Sometimes, when a young person learns social rules, life roles and situations, he must first experience the consequences of wrong choices and learn from his mistakes, and not only from his parents' warnings. By partially giving responsibility, the adult shows the child that he believes in them, and this is an exceptionally upbuilding attitude. By slowly stepping into the shoes of individuality and breaking away from the parent, the teenager wants to be at least a little independent, make his own decisions, even in minor matters, and have the right to his views. At this point, the parent often has a problem, because he has to think about how his communication with the child should proceed, and then consider whether and what he needs to change. Such reflections become the basis of a new stage in raising a teenager and a moment of rebuilding the parent's caring role to date into a partnership, autonomous, joint action.

Receive - appreciate - watch the teenager

There are no correct theories, absolute truths or universal recipes for educational success in being a parent. There is only what works for an individual family at any given time. The adolescent's resistance, rebellion, and stubbornness towards adults should prompt the parent to re-examine his views. Parents are used to giving, giving, giving - without noticing what their own child can give them. By watching children grow up, adults can:

• see the world and life experiences from a completely different perspective;
• work on your style of communication and building relationships;
• develop your creativity and openness - looking for solutions in the relationship that will satisfy the parent and teenager;
• explore and discover your real limits, which they did not have the opportunity or the courage to test;
• revise your value system.