How to talk to a teenager?
As a parent, you must put in a lot of effort to create a strong and lasting bond with your teenager. As a child enters adolescence, they change so much that parents may feel they don't even know the young person who is their child. Parents cease to be the sole authority, and the peer group becomes more prominent. How can you find a way to communicate with a teenager who is rapidly changing, rapidly building their individuality and independence? How should you talk to a teenager?
Conversation with a teenager, even on a trivial topic, can feel like a difficult, exhausting exercise. It is not known whether an adult's good intentions and a sincere willingness to understand will provoke an unforeseen reaction. Even a small matter can turn out to be critical, so communication becomes a real challenge.
Conversation builds a relationship and supports
Conversation is essential to navigating the difficult times of adolescence with a teenager, building a relationship with them, providing support without compromising one's own opinion on issues important to the child. Recognizing and accepting a teenager's emotions and the needs behind them is a fundamental responsibility of adults. Dialogue conducted in a safe atmosphere is essential, as it can prove to be crucial support for a child during difficult times.
Expert advises
It is important for parents to be aware that healthy adolescents who rebel for general development reasons do not have a constant tendency to disturbed behavior. Teenagers often incorrectly test their dynamically developing adulthood, not yet knowing what it really is. By his actions in natural situations, he tests the reactions of an adult to what extent the limits of his principles reach. Of course, this does not mean that a child can misbehave and do as he or she wants.
Watch out for turbulent emotions
Conducting "educational" conversations about behavior is difficult because a growing young person will fiercely defend their point of view. This can lead to turbulent emotions – anger, verbal aggression, refusal to follow instructions, withdrawing from contact through ostentatious silence, and provocative behavior. Parents may react to this in various ways. Emotions are not a good advisor, so it's important to pause and remind yourself of a few principles:
- not to be embarrassed in conversations;
- avoid guilt in discussions when it comes to difficulties;
- make the child feel honest that we are listening to him / her;
- show interest in the adolescent's affairs and needs.
The role of mindfulness and openness
Shared conversations, incorporating an element of attentive listening, allow parents to get to know their growing child. This is a way to build rapport between the teenager and the adult. By skillfully conducting conversations with their child, parents ensure the quality of the relationship and their influence on their growing child's development. Open conversation and the safe atmosphere that a teenager experiences with their parent will result in closer bonds between the adult and the child. A lack of support and trust in the parent, in turn, can lead to dangerous, irresponsible behavior in the teenager.
How do I get along with my teenager?
Here are some important rules that every parent should follow when interacting with a teenager.
- Be authentic in your feelings and attitudes.
- Speak specifically - about the facts.
- Respect - take the child's opinion and interests seriously.
- Ask less - more talk about yourself - be open.
- Carefully listen.
- Specimen trust.
An attitude that builds an understanding
When talking to a teenager, it's crucial to use personal language . It expresses feelings, thoughts, and expectations. A parent who shares their own perspective allows the child to see their perspective and boundaries. Criticism or praise directed at a child is meaningful when the child knows exactly which situation the adult is considering.
Expert advises
What an adult communicates to a child in a conversation has enormous power, despite the fact that a teenager who matures seems to listen only to his peers. One must not be mistaken in the belief that the age of parental authority is over. Regardless of the teenager's attitudes, it is the parent that guarantees the perceived security, the basis for the hierarchy of values and all developing beliefs of the child about the world and people. The fact that a teenager will try to arrange the world in his own way is the result of changes taking place in him, but the parents will remain a matrix showing the world and teaching how to live.
It's impossible to predict how powerfully our words will reach a child, or what the consequences of our attitudes toward them will be. A word of criticism is unlikely to spark enthusiasm in an adolescent child, and it will certainly raise concerns about who they are, whether they can be trusted, and whether they can be relied upon. It 's an adult's responsibility to conduct conversations with a teenager based on facts, not just on painful experiences and failures. Another aspect of conversations is respect, which is the foundation of understanding with every person. Respect is demonstrated not only through what we say to a teenager—it's also expressed in the way we speak to them, and whether we are open to perspectives that differ from our own. This is also a place for an adult to be curious about the teenager's thoughts and feelings in specific situations or conversations.
Be careful with criticism and pointing out mistakes
By simply referring to a series of mistakes made in conversations with a teenager, a parent won't induce a dramatic change in them, characterized by an attitude of "I'll be good and polite." This would be an artificial transformation. Hearing unfavorable words about themselves, a teenager will first believe they are bad and then decide they are worthless. Entering a teenager's world requires us, as adults, to open up to the child and let them into our own experiences, to the extent the situation requires. An adult's openness in sharing their own experiences, doubts, searches, needs, and dreams will give the teenager the feeling that they can talk to the parent about themselves without judgment. Whenever a child opens up, they may share things that the adult might not necessarily like. However, it's always important to appreciate the teenager's honesty and listen to them fully. Later, it's worth considering how and when to address the issue, finding the right time and the right place. If, as parents, we listen to our child, notice and name the emotions he or she is experiencing, then the teenager feels that he or she has the right to experience them.
Being taken seriously: deciding and taking responsibility
It's nothing new that parents want to isolate their children from difficult issues, emotions, and disappointments, which is why they sometimes try to act immediately—downplaying the problem, comforting, offering quick advice. However, if an adult wants to be taken seriously by their teenager, they must treat them in the same way . Sometimes, tedious repetitions of the same things over and over again may not be effective. Sometimes, a young person, while learning social rules, life roles, and situations, must first experience the consequences of bad choices and learn from their mistakes, not just from parental warnings. By partially relinquishing responsibility, an adult shows the child that they believe in them, and this is an exceptionally encouraging attitude. By slowly stepping into the shoes of individuality and separating from their parent, the teenager wants to be at least somewhat independent, make their own decisions, even in minor matters, and have the right to their own opinions. At this point, parents often struggle, as they must consider how their communication with the child should proceed, and then consider whether, and if so, what they need to change. Such reflections become the basis for a new stage in raising a teenager and a moment of rebuilding the current caring role of a parent into a partnership-based, autonomous, joint action.
Receive - appreciate - watch the teenager
There are no single correct theories, absolute truths, or universal recipes for parenting success. There are only what works for the individual family at a given moment. A teenager's resistance, rebellion, and stubbornness toward adults should prompt a parent to reconsider their own views. Parents are accustomed to giving, giving, giving—completely oblivious to what their own child can give them. By observing their children as they grow, adults can:
- see the world and life experiences from a completely different perspective;
- work on your style of communication and building relationships;
- develop your creativity and openness - looking for solutions in the relationship that will satisfy the parent and teenager;
- explore and discover your real limits, which they did not have the opportunity or the courage to test;
- revise your value system.
Author
