How to raise an independent child?

Independence is a feature or skill that we all subconsciously strive for from the moment we are born. A lying infant is completely dependent on us, but a few months old, not necessarily. An infant trying to stand on its feet or taking its first steps can begin the process of learning various activities on its own. It is enough to properly prepare the space around the child so that it is safe and we can observe how the child's independence grows day by day.

At first, it's crawling for toys, turning, and a little later taking an independent step. This learning is similar in the next stages of our child's development, but, obviously, the tasks are becoming more and more difficult, requiring concentration and commitment.

Child independence: a task for parents

The primary task of parents in learning independence is creating conditions for the child to make independent decisions. It is known that every parent wants the best for their child, would like to protect them from failures. Unfortunately, however, in the long run, this practice is fatal for our little ones.

Of course, we will put shoes on a two-year-old faster than he can - but we will take him away the joy of discovery and a sense of agency. And yet each of us wants to have resourceful, self-confident, independent child. Our child will act boldly when he becomes convinced that a mistake is not a failure, you just have to make another attempt. For we have to learn independence by experiencing it. 

It is worth quoting the words of Benjamin Franklin at this point: Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me, maybe I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.

A child won't learn to tie his shoes just by watching us do it. The baby has to be alone try many timesuntil he finally succeeds. The same goes for cycling, self-catering, etc.

Building a child's self-confidence

Another important issue where parents play an important role is building a child's self-confidence. He must approach tasks with the feeling that he will be able to accomplish what he plans. Of course, we must also mention here that the tasks entrusted to the child must be adequate to his age. If we give it too easy - he will get bored quickly, and if it is too difficult, burdened with the risk of failure in advance, the child will become discouraged and will no longer approach new tasks with such enthusiasm as before.

So how to find a golden mean that will tell us how to raise an independent child? Encourage children to take the initiative by giving them choices about the tasks or games they undertake. When building a child's independence, it becomes important to recognize the child's feelings and take into account his / her perspective. Then, while performing the task, it will become possible for them to achieve a sense of autonomy. This, in turn, will be important for the emergence of a sense of self-efficacy in him.

Child's independence while performing a task, it gives him a sense of autonomy. This in turn builds his self-confidence and self-worth. 

Learning to be independent: principles

Among the behaviors that will help us learn our child's independence, they can be found the rules listed below:

• let's give him the opportunity to deal with the problem on his own, let's give help depending on the need at the moment;
• we do not do it for you - neither a toddler nor a scarecrow;
• we do not compare him with other children - this will cause him pain and discouragement in the future;
• let's entrust age-appropriate tasks;
• let's not be overzealous - let's avoid the phrases "don't run or you'll fall over", etc .;
• let's not project our emotions onto the child;
• let's provide an inspiring environment and appropriate conditions for rest;
• let's give the child some freedom;
• let's encourage expressing opinions - let's ask what he thinks;
• let's (we - parents and grandparents) keep a common front to avoid a situation where one parent teaches responsibility and the other does everything;
• let's encourage courage, e.g. with your favorite stuffed animal.

Child's independence at school

Children's independence takes on a new meaning and begins to be truly appreciated by parents - especially at the moment starting education. Parents often have concerns about how their child will cope at school, both with tasks and with the peer group. The Dalton plan concept, which is popular in many countries, may be the answer to these concerns. What are its assumptions?

Dalton plan concept

This plan puts emphasis on entrusting children with responsibility for the outcome of the learning process. The emphasis is shifted from teaching children to child's independence at school. The Dalton plan is that the teacher gives students the opportunity to do what they can in collaboration with other children. Children carry out tasks on their own, solve them, the teacher is a supportive person.

And here there is a very important benefit of this teaching concept - children learn to cooperate with each other, do not compete, and together they look for a solution to a problem, explain mutually incomprehensible issues. Children willingly use this form of learning, their internal motivation is influenced by:

• have fun;
• willingness to cope with the task;
• willingness to give someone;
• purpose awareness;
• the ability to track progress. 

The basic pillars of the Dalton Plan are; cooperation, independence, responsibility and reflection. It's a concept that is light years away from what most of us remember from our early days in education.

Maria Montessori method

A concept that has also been very popular in educational institutions for several years is Maria Montessori method. It focuses on the individual characteristics of the child.

The basic assumptions of this method are:

• developing the child's independence and self-confidence;
• mutual assistance of children, devoid of rivalry;
• concentration on the task at hand;
• order in the environment;
• developing individual talents;
• self-control - the child is able to control his behavior;
• the ability to work in silence;
• respect for others and their work.

In both of these concepts, we see how much attention they pay confidence in the child's abilities. Let's also trust ourselves that we have prepared our toddler well enough that he will be able to cope with new situations. This is especially important as the school year approaches.

How to teach a child to play independently?

There is one more area of ​​everyday life in which child's independence it is salutary for parents. It is nothing but… fun. After observing the surroundings, we can see that there are children who can play alonebut there are also those that mom can't leave even for a moment.

Here are some tips:

• Let's prepare our child's favorite toys in a safe space and go to our activities. At first, for a moment, if the child accepts it well, let's gradually extend this time.
• Let's take care of the presence of sensory toys, children love all kinds of dough, kinetic sand, etc.
• Let's replace toys every few weeks. Reasonable amounts of pleasure will be beneficial to all parties.
• Let's give the child the opportunity to wake up. Let's recall our childhood, the model of raising children was a bit different, we were often "forced" to independent play. A bored child will reach for inconspicuous objects that, thanks to his imagination, will be used creatively.
• Let us safely play with everyday objects, of course, adapting them to many children: lid keys, screw caps or an old watch can be great treasures for our children.