How and when to talk to children about sex?
Parents often do not know how to talk to your baby about sex i sexuality - these topics embarrass them, so they either avoid it or put it off indefinitely - until it is too late for it. Find out how not to and when to talk to your baby about sexby adjusting both the content and the form of the message to the age of your child and the stage of their development.
Although we are all convinced that talking about sex, about intimacy that applies to every human being, is very important, still sex in conversation with children is a social taboo. It happens especially in the sphere of transferring knowledge on this subject to young people. Addressing the topic of sexual development in a calm, honest and safe atmosphere allows the child to learn about an important area of human life and strengthens the trust between him and the parent. The awareness of one's sexuality is important in the personal and social sphere - from the differences between the sexes to the understanding of social principles (intimacy, nudity, privacy). So how do you talk to your baby about sex? When to do it?
The development of the child's knowledge of the body
The most important thing in a conversation about sexuality and sex is adjusting the knowledge we want to convey to the age of the child, taking into account his cognitive and emotional abilities in terms of understanding people, the world and the rules that govern it. In the following developmental periods, we can draw the attention of children to various issues, and over time we can deal with more and more detailed and complex topics.
Age 2-4: first observations and questions
Children begin to be interested in what she is the difference between the sexes, they want to view their organs by marking the visible differences and starting to name them. At this age, the most important thing is honesty and a willingness to talk, so that the child does not feel embarrassed in asking the parent questions. When showing children the world of feelings, emotions and relationships, it is worth reaching for stories exploring these topics.
Age 5-6: where do children come from?
There is an interest in the human body and issues the birth of "new children."”More than just sex. It is important to calmly present to the child the fact that a man and a woman together contribute to the creation of a new life, that a woman has a developing toddler in her belly, which grows and will be born after 9 months (illustrating the passage of time through the seasons of the year or important family events).
Expert advises
If more questions arise in children, it will probably be a signal that they are ready for more detailed information, for example: "The semen that comes from daddy and the egg that mom has in her, combine in mum's belly, in a special a place that is like a safe bag and is called the uterus. There, the baby grows, and the mother carries it in her belly for the next few months ”.
At this stage of development, there is also a good time to show some social norms. Namely, children need to know (hear from an adult) and understand that their body belongs only to them and no one else should touch it except in special circumstancessuch as medical examinations, parental assistance with washing, and other events where close contact with an adult is essential.
Age 6-8 years: about sex naturally and spontaneously
In this age Children may know the word sex, but they are not as embarrassed about it as older children. This is the perfect age for honest and open conversation. A child's natural and spontaneous curiosity can make it easier for a parent to raise even very embarrassing and delicate issues in a way that is comfortable for both of them. Let's try to answer all questions so that they sound obvious - let it be the most natural conversation in the world. One child will ask a question more directly than the other, but in both cases it is important not to respond with a silence that will cause our children to fear that they asked about something wrong or inappropriate. There are also children who will need to be more sensitive about sex. When starting a conversation, it is always worth knowing the current state of their knowledge, using a natural situation (eg an advertisement with an infant and the following question: "Where do you think children come from?").
Age 9-12: the specifics of puberty
Teenagers, in their teens, can have a lot of doubts about changes that affect their bodies: polution, growing breasts, menstruation, hair growth. All this is a natural developmental process that may prompt our children to question and talk about it (what changes in life, what are the dangers of early sexual intercourse). On an emotional level, children of this age should experience the essence of a close, mutually respectful and devoted relationship through conversation with an adult.
Age 13-18: issues of responsibility, love and desire
If, before the outbreak of teenage years, the certainty that "I know everything best”, Parents referred to the topic of sexuality or intimacy in their conversations with the child, it will be easier for them to come back to it during this developmental period. It is important to clarify what contraceptives are, as well as providing information on the age of adolescence (not only physical development, but also mental development) so that adolescents are aware of the legal age for sexual activity. A parent should emphasize that they do not have to have sex if they do not feel ready for it, especially under the pressure of unrealistic expectations of the environment or of the scenes presented in the movies. Many young people confuse lust for love - they may feel sexual attraction to the other person, not necessarily with affection. This is also a topic for conversation or even discussion.
How do you start talking to your baby about sex?
The easiest way to start a conversation about sexuality with your little ones is reading books about the human body, its structure and the birth of children. As children continue to develop, conversations may arise on the canvas of the movies watchedwhere the scene of intimate contact and consent to sex takes place. Discussing these scenes together can be the basis for asking your child what they think or talking about contraception.
Expert advises
It is worthwhile to use situations that are conducive to conversations about sex, sexuality or procreation. If, for example, while traveling in a car, you hear an in vitro broadcast on the radio, it is good to explain your position to your child, taking into account their age and what content is appropriate for them.
Sometimes like this topics may arise spontaneouslyfor example, while having breakfast together, the advantage of which is a relaxed and safe atmosphere - then we can touch the topic of being together, closeness and mutual respect.
Talking to your baby about sex: what to remember?
Parents should also always be sensitive to the principle of listening to their child, so that they feel as an equal partner in the conversation. Another important point is that Always answer your child's questions truthfullyemphasizing the importance of partnership, respect, responsibility and love. Talking to a teenager avoid treating sex as shameful or forbidden. It is not worth moralizing, preaching, let alone scare. Better bet on honesty, sharing with our child personal views resulting from our own experiences and thoughts related to sexuality. This approach will build our authority.
Why is it not worth delaying the conversation about sex?
By talking to children about intimate matters, we show them that these topics are the same as any other. It is lucky if the child wants to talk to us about intimacy, especially in the teenage years, when the opinion of the peer group comes to the fore. Delaying the conversation by the parent - waiting for a more appropriate moment - often leads to the fact that, in the meantime, the adolescent child finds other sources of information. Such a young person then treats his parents as incompetent people, with whom it is simply not worth talking about the issues of intimacy and sex.
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