How and when to talk to children about sex?
Parents often don't know how to talk to their children about sex and sexuality . Bringing up these topics makes them uncomfortable, so they avoid or postpone the conversation indefinitely—until it's too late. Learn how not to do this and when to talk to your child about sex , adapting both the content and the format to your child's age and developmental stage.
Although we all believe that talking about sex and intimacy, which affects every person, is very important, sex is still a social taboo when talking to children. This is especially true when it comes to teaching young people about this topic. Discussing sexual development calmly, honestly, and in a safe atmosphere allows children to explore an important aspect of human life and strengthens trust between them and their parents. Awareness of one's sexuality is crucial in both the personal and social spheres – from gender differences to understanding social rules (intimacy, nudity, privacy). So, how should you talk to your child about sex? When should you do it?
The development of the child's knowledge of the body
The most important thing when discussing sexuality and sex is to tailor the knowledge we want to convey to the child's age, taking into account their cognitive and emotional abilities in understanding people, the world, and the rules that govern it . During subsequent developmental periods, we can draw children's attention to various issues, over time addressing increasingly detailed and complex topics.
Age 2-4: first observations and questions
Children are beginning to be interested in the differences between the sexes , wanting to examine their organs, noting the visible differences and beginning to name them. At this age, honesty and a willingness to talk are paramount, so that the child feels comfortable asking questions. When introducing children to the world of feelings, emotions, and relationships, it's worth using stories that explore these themes.
Age 5-6: where do children come from?
There's a growing interest in the human body, in the concept of bringing "new babies " into the world, rather than in sex itself. It's important to calmly present to the child the fact that a man and a woman together contribute to the creation of a new life, that a woman has a developing baby in her belly, which grows and will be born after nine months (illustrating the passage of time through seasons and significant family events).
Expert advises
If more questions arise in children, it will probably be a signal that they are ready for more detailed information, for example: "The semen that comes from daddy and the egg that mom has in her, combine in mum's belly, in a special a place that is like a safe bag and is called the uterus. There, the baby grows, and the mother carries it in her belly for the next few months ”.
This developmental stage is also a good time to introduce some social norms. Specifically, children need to know (hear from an adult) and understand that their body belongs to them and no one else should touch it, except in special situations , such as medical exams, parental assistance with washing, and other events where close contact with an adult is necessary.
Age 6-8 years: about sex naturally and spontaneously
At this age, children may know the word "sex," but they aren't yet as embarrassed by the topic as older children . This is the ideal age for an honest and open conversation. A child's natural and spontaneous curiosity can make it easier for parents to broach even the most embarrassing and sensitive issues in a way that's comfortable for both parents. Try to answer all questions with the most obvious answers possible—make it the most natural conversation possible. One child will ask a question more directly than another, but in both cases, it's important not to respond with silence, which will make children fear they've asked something wrong or inappropriate. Some children will also require a more sensitive approach to the topic of sex. When starting a conversation, it's always worth exploring their current knowledge by using a natural situation (e.g., a commercial featuring a baby and the subsequent question: "Where do you think babies come from?").
Age 9-12: the specifics of puberty
Teenagers entering puberty may have many concerns about the changes in their bodies : sexual discharge, developing breasts, menstruation, and body hair. All of this is a natural developmental process that can prompt questions and conversations about these issues (what changes in life, the dangers of early sexual activity). On an emotional level, children at this age should experience the essence of a close, respectful, and committed relationship through conversation with an adult.
Age 13-18: issues of responsibility, love and desire
If, before the outbreak of teenage years, the certainty that "I know everything best”, Parents referred to the topic of sexuality or intimacy in their conversations with the child, it will be easier for them to come back to it during this developmental period. It is important to clarify what contraceptives are, as well as providing information on the age of adolescence (not only physical development, but also mental development) so that adolescents are aware of the legal age for sexual activity. A parent should emphasize that they do not have to have sex if they do not feel ready for it, especially under the pressure of unrealistic expectations of the environment or of the scenes presented in the movies. Many young people confuse lust for love - they may feel sexual attraction to the other person, not necessarily with affection. This is also a topic for conversation or even discussion.
How do you start talking to your baby about sex?
The easiest way to start a conversation about sexuality with your little ones is to read books about the human body, its structure, and childbirth . As children develop, conversations can evolve around watching movies that depict intimate contact and sexual consent. Discussing these scenes together can provide a foundation for asking your child what they think or discussing contraception.
Expert advises
It is worthwhile to use situations that are conducive to conversations about sex, sexuality or procreation. If, for example, while traveling in a car, you hear an in vitro broadcast on the radio, it is good to explain your position to your child, taking into account their age and what content is appropriate for them.
Sometimes such topics may arise spontaneously , for example, over breakfast together, which has the advantage of a relaxed and safe atmosphere – we can then touch on the topic of being together, closeness and mutual respect.
Talking to your baby about sex: what to remember?
Parents should also always prioritize listening to their children so they feel like an equal partner in the conversation. Another important point is that children's questions should always be answered truthfully , emphasizing the importance of partnership, respect, responsibility, and love. When talking to teenagers, avoid treating sex as something shameful or forbidden . There's no point in moralizing, preaching, or even frightening them. It's better to be honest, sharing with your child your personal views, stemming from your own experiences and thoughts related to sexuality. This approach will strengthen your authority.
Why is it not worth delaying the conversation about sex?
By talking to children about intimate matters, we show them that these are topics just like any other. It's a blessing if a child is willing to talk about intimacy with us, especially during adolescence, when the opinions of their peer group become more prominent. A parent's delay in discussing it—waiting for a more appropriate moment—often leads to the adolescent child finding other sources of information in the meantime . Such a young person then views their parents as incompetent, with whom it's simply not worth discussing intimacy and sex.
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