Your child tied their shoelace. On their own. And you? Before you could rejoice, you instinctively fix it because it's "crooked", and you tie the other shoe for the little one. Sound familiar? No one becomes a helicopter parent or a lawnmower parent overnight. It's a result of concern, fear, pressure and... love. Sometimes we do something for the child because we know it will be faster - this is completely normal in everyday, busy parenting. However, sometimes excessive concern can result from fear that the child won't cope, that they will be sad, or that someone will judge them...
What happens when your desire to help your child turns into taking over? How can you tell if you’re a helicopter parent or a lawnmower parent? And when you pass the overprotective test, what can you do about it?
Helicopter Parent, Lawnmower Parent – Normal Concern or Overcontrol?
The terms "helicopter parent" and "lawnmower parent" are not formal diagnostic categories in psychology, but they are commonly used metaphors to describe specific parenting styles.
The helicopter parent – flies, observes, intervenes
The term "helicopter parent" was first used by Haim Ginott in 1969 and popularized by Carl Honoré. It refers to overprotective parents who intensely control the child's life. The helicopter parent, or more commonly, the helicopter mother, is always ready to intervene, solve any problem, protect the child from any failure. The helicopter mother hovers over the child not only physically, e.g. on the playground, never leaving his side, but also in her thoughts, constantly worrying.
The intention is right: safety, support, care. But when a child doesn’t have the space to make mistakes and deal with them, they learn that they can’t do something. Even if they can.
Parent Lawnmower – Removes Obstacles Before They Even Appear
The term “lawnmower parent” is a more explicit metaphor for parents who actively remove any obstacles from their children's path, they anticipate problems, take care of things for the child, and eliminate potential difficulties. They believe that by making life easier for the child, they save the child from worry and suffering. In relation to the helicopter parent, the lawnmower parent goes a step further: before the child even thinks about the obstacle, the “lawnmower” is already removing it.
Example? The lawnmower parent regularly does the child's homework for them "so they have more time to play." The toddler wasn't invited to a friend's birthday party? The lawnmower parent quickly calls the birthday boy's parents to "clarify" the matter: there must have been an oversight, my child MUST be invited!
What do both parenting styles have in common? Sensitivity… and fear.
Under the façade of overprotectiveness lies concern and fear. Fear that the world is dangerous and a child cannot cope without our help.
Parent helicopter test – check if it is about you
There are no standardized tests psychological, which allow you to determine whether you are mother by helicopter and/ or parent with a lawnmower. However, to check, Are you exhibiting the behavior of a helicopter parent or a lawnmower parent?, you can ask yourself some of the following questions:
- Do you often run errands for your child because you want to spare them stress?
- Do you find it difficult to watch your child "struggle", e.g. when doing homework, getting dressed, preparing a simple meal - would you rather help them right away, do it for them, to make it faster/to spare your child unnecessary stress?
- Do you immediately step into every conflict, for example on the playground, without waiting to see if the children will attempt to resolve the dispute on their own?
- Do you avoid situations/places where your child might fail or experience frustration?
- Do you decide about your child's extra-curricular activities, hobbies or future without taking into account their opinions and preferences?
- Do you often hear from others (or think to yourself) that you are too protective?
- Do you justify your excessive involvement with concerns, love or the belief that you are doing it for the good of the child?
- Do you believe that your child “can’t do it alone”?
- Do you monitor who your child is friends with?
This simple test can reveal a lot about your parenting style. If you answered yes to at least half of the above questions, this may indicate a tendency to be a helicopter parent or a lawnmower parent.
Helicopter Mother, Lawnmower Parent: Consequences of Overprotection
Children raised in an atmosphere of constant supervision often have:
- difficulty making decisions,
- low resistance to criticism and stress,
- a tendency to avoid risk ("risk" in the sense of discomfort associated, for example, with volunteering to answer in class),
- problems in peer relationships,
- belief that they cannot cope on their own.
