Crisis of a child in a nursery
Many parents are happy to enroll their children in a nursery, realizing the developmental benefits that a child can achieve thanks to being in a group of peers. Many of them are convinced that since their child develops healthily, finds himself well in the environment of adults who visit the family at home, it should quickly adapt to the new situation in the nursery. But is it true? Should a healthy child get used to the presence of children and new carers so easily? The other part of the parents has some concerns and wonders to what extent the child's stay in the nursery can have a negative impact on the child's well-being, emotions and bond with them.
The situation becomes especially difficult when the child cries in the nursery or when the child does not want to go to the nursery. Some parents, relying on their own unpleasant memories of separation caused by the nursery or kindergarten, do not decide to send their child to the facilities or resign when the child's first crisis in the nursery appears. How to deal with these situations and help the child adapt to the facility? We will try to indicate possible solutions in the article.
The nursery and the child's psyche
Parents who send their child to a nursery are afraid of the impact of separation from their child every day, both on the child's psyche and their own emotions. Many parents face dilemmas regarding the nursery and the child's psyche. Some of them are concerned whether and for how long the child will have difficulties adapting to the new situation in the facility. However, they are most afraid that their relationship with the child may suffer, or that they will start to observe strange behavior of the child after staying in the nursery. In fact, you can do a lot to support our toddler who is staying in the nursery to maintain a good relationship between our child and us.
The course of adaptation in the nursery depends on the age of the child at which he/she starts attending the facility, as well as his/her temperament. Let us remember that the crisis of a child in a nursery does not have to concern every toddler.
Difficult beginnings: what to do when the baby cries in the nursery?
The first moments in the nursery can undoubtedly be stressful for every child and his parent. At the outset, you can see when a baby cries in the nurseryas his parent walks away towards the door, leaving comfort after saying goodbye.
Difficulties in parting with their parents may be especially difficult for children who started attending the institution between 12 and 18 months of age, because at this stage of development children are already more aware of this separation than younger children.
Strange behavior of a child after nursery
A toddler's anxiety can be particularly high when the child has a lesser sense of security, e.g. when he returns to the nursery after spending time with his parents or after a period of illness. Therefore, some strange behavior of a child after nursery, such as:
- withdrawal towards strangers;
- reluctance to leave home;
- or that the child does not want to go to nursery
can be attributed to the action of the stress hormone.
Expert advises
It is especially important that parents, not only employees of the nursery, personally support the child during the adaptation period to the facility, when the child is acclimating to new conditions. It is the time spent with the child in a new environment, calming down when the child communicates that he does not want to go to the nursery and gradually accustoming him to new people, sounds, objects, will have a positive effect on less stress experienced during the beginning of his stay in the nursery. Also, parents who take advantage of the opportunity to support their child, often experience fewer doubts and anxiety about whether it was a good decision to send their child to the facility.
Why baby crying in nursery?
Even children who feel comfortable in the presence of adult strangers at home may have a problem finding themselves in a peer group. Parents are often concerned that their baby crying in nursery because of fear of other children. Most often, they can observe a situation when another child approaches their toddler, and he runs away towards the babysitters or the parent and covers his face with his hands.
Situations when a child cries in the nursery or behaves strangely or even does not want to go to nursery, it may be because the child is afraid of specific groups of children, e.g. boys or girls, older or younger children. Similar situations may occur especially when the child had limited contact with children before entering the nursery, and was mainly in the company of adults.
Expert advises
The child needs time to learn the rules of the group of peers in the nursery. Children behave differently than the adults accompanying the child before - they are more loud, spontaneous. Before going to the institution, the position of the child in the group of people consisting only of family members was specific. Firstly, the parent's attention was focused on the toddler, secondly, the activities and the proposed familiar games took place to please the child. Thirdly, the schedule of the day and the following activities have changed. All these changes in the child's functioning in the group, not only in the family, but from now on also in the peer group, could destroy the child's peace and predictability of the surrounding conditions. As a consequence, the child's sense of security may be temporarily reduced.
Is it for sure crisis of a child in a nursery?
It can be a disturbing signal in a child's development child's fear of others (including children), which the child reveals from infancy and is not manifested only in the situation of adaptation to the nursery. Strange behavior of a child can be observed by a parent not only after visiting the nursery. This happens when, despite getting used to the presence of other people and supporting the child by the parent, the child has great difficulties with tolerating people staying with him and the parent in the same room in familiar conditions, e.g. at home.
Fear of other people may, in the presence of other symptoms, be an indication to start the process of diagnosing autism spectrum disorders. The symptom itself in the form of anxiety in a child should not worry parents, often in the case of developmental disorders, the child has general problems with communicating his needs also in relations with his relatives and difficulties with regulating emotions.
The nursery and the child's psyche: parental support during the adaptation period
One of the reasons why parents decide to keep their child in a nursery is the possibility of contacts with peers, especially when the child is an only child. Undoubtedly, thanks to the stay in the nursery, children learn to cooperate and participate in common activities. They can safely practice social exchange and watch other children express their emotions.
Sometimes, in order to avoid a potential crisis of the child in the nursery, it is good to prepare the toddler before going to the nursery for the presence of other children around him. It is worth giving the child as much time as it needs to feel better in the situation of adaptation to the new situation. At the beginning of the child's habituation to the presence of other children, allow him to assume the role of observer. A toddler can sit on the playground, on a bench with a parent or babysitter and watch the events unfold.
Recommended products
Head of the Department of Assessment and Development of Cooperation at the Institute of Mother and Child
Crisis of a child in the nursery: what a parent shouldn't do
Often, parents would like their child to be more willing to play and participate in activities with other children. Encouraging a child too much and saying, "Go play with the kids" or "Pay your baby a hello" can make things difficult and is a signal to the child that his or her behavior is unusual and that the parents are displeased.
Expert advises
It would be good to provide the child with such conditions in which he would make an independent attempt to establish contact with other children, even if it requires more time. Let the toddler watch children playing on the playground when he sits on the bench with us, let's not avoid places where our toddler in the presence of a parent could meet new people - both adults and children. However, remember not to get too overprotective. Let's set requirements appropriate to the child's age. This becomes especially important when the toddler learns the rules of the peer group.
Let's not interfere in the situation of children's play, if there is no clear need, that is, when children are not in danger. For example, let's not require a 2-year-old child to give way to other children on the slide, but let's be next to him and tell him what's going on around, e.g. "Look, here's a girl who would also like to slide down the slide." Give the child time to deal with a difficult situation so that he gains a sense of self-efficacy. Let's be there when the child needs us.
The child does not want to go to nursery: how to help him?
If the child does not want to go to the nursery, it is worth thinking about how to build positive associations with the new place. An idea for games to familiarize the child with the new situation in the nursery is, in addition to ensuring the right amount of contact with other children (also remember not to go to extremes and give the child time alone with the parent) - reading books in which the theme of fun appears in the nursery, being on the playground. If the toddler is not ready to focus on the content, we can look at the pictures together.
Children also like when parents draw pictures and tell what is on them. You can draw your child's favorite playground, as well as the playground in the nursery and find similarities between them. An interesting idea is to play with puppets, thanks to which you can play scenes from the nursery, contacts with other children. Allow the child to express and freely, to express negative emotions, e.g. when puppets are beating. This situation will help the child understand and recreate possible actions in safe play, e.g. role-playing an apology situation.
Źródła:
Lange-Rachwał, “My child is afraid. How can I help him?" Warsaw, 2019, Difin Publishing House;
Murray, Young Child Psychology. How social relationships support a child's development in the first two years of life. Warsaw, 2019, Paradygmat Publishing House.
Author
